Prayers for Father M

When C was sick, Father M was the rector of the church we attended. He was with us on the day C coded, and was back many times over the subsequent weeks. He was one of our team in those hard days.

Later, Father M baptized S, and Mrs. M was C's 3rd grade teacher - a wonderful woman who did wonders for C, for his self-esteem.

I've also written about Father M in terms of what has happened to the church we attended. I can't find those posts right now. I'll look later.

Suffice it to say that Father M and his family are very dear to us.

Father M is in the hospital right now, and could use some prayers. The prognosis as I understand it this morning is good, but still. Prayers for Father M. Please.

Father M is in the same hospital that treated C. He had a heart attack on Friday at home, went to the regional hospital first (same place we started with C), had stent put in an artery there, but had another heart attack in that hospital and at some point was transferred to the bigger city hospital. Another stent was going in this morning. My husband is checking in with them, offering what help we can.

When they get back to town, troops will rally. But still, prayers for a wonderful man, who still has a lot of love to give to his family and friends - and as as much love due him

UPDATE, 4/26: Father M is home. He came home Saturday and is doing very well. He was given the all-clear by his primary today, and then went to the grocery store (he's a marvelous cook - but allowed a friend to bring them soup for dinner). He's well aware, however, that he must take care not to overdo it! I just spoke with Mrs. M, and she is exhausted but so relieved. Thanks for your prayers!

Light

I think I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel in the worst of this insane couple of months. I'm feeling a little more settled - some days, anyway.

We've made it through the anniversary of the worst of C's illness. I think we're all okay. Acknowledging it and thinking about it a bit actually helped - not trying to push it down and away in the name of being busy (like I was doing).

We also had the Science Fair. Both M and S participated. M made a Van De Graaff generator and S did a project on the Slender Loris. M won 2nd place in his division, S an honorable mention.

S's birthday party was Saturday and it was a blast. 18 little kids running around a gymnastics place, followed by a concentrated dose of sugar (cupcakes). But my girl was happy.

For her actual birthday yesterday, S got her photo on CNN.com. In a good way.

From the start of the book project, I didn't really understand the level at which the book would be promoted. I wasn't sure if the publisher saw this as a straight to the remainder bin kind of product or what. I've been pleasantly surprised at the publicity efforts.

The publicists are having me write some summary promotional pieces that they submit to prominent websites. I've had to submit a few pictures. They've sent the book around. The CNN thing came about like that - they sent the book to someone there who liked a particular chapter and asked for a piece related to it. I did that a few weeks ago. When the publicist emailed yesterday, I was surprised. It's been very prominently posted on the Living section for almost 24 hours. 300+ comments on the article, too - some with legitimate commentary, some the words of the usual internet trolls.

When the article appeared on CNN, I finally told my office about the book. Hadn't breathed a word of it to them in all this time. I considered it and kept it wholly separate. My coworkers seemed generally happy for me - that was cool.

I have more such articles to write - wonder where they'll turn up!

Taxes are due tomorrow - never fun, but once we get it over with, it will be ignorable for another year. Just wish we didn't wait until the last minute like this, but that's something else entirely.

My candidate's first school committee meeting is tonight. Cool.

Then April break. Even though I'll be working my regular schedule (and, oh, how I like "regular!" Really!), we have fun stuff coming up. Normal, fun stuff. Stuff I feel I can handle okay. Normal stuff is what I am thankful for!

Baseball season, and coffee selling season, and hospital fundraising season...all stuff that, while busy, I feel I can manage. Plus it's spring, and the weather trend is warming (even if it's a little chilly today). I'm looking forward to getting into the yard. There is much cleanup and planting to be done.

So it feels like I'm settling a little. I'm hopeful for time and initiative to get the house organized and cleaned up a bit, and for the impetus to get to the basement and start doing some printing.

Happy spring.

Phew

My sister has left Facebook. The nephews are still on it, and I think the youngest of those nephews (16) could use some parental supervision, but I'm glad she's gone from Facebook. It was kind of like the weirdness when your mom joins Facebook and makes inappropriate comments on your status updates. Yes, my sister did that.

While I was out west, she made a comment that even though she is exceedingly conservative and thinks Ann Coulter is a Goddess (it made me throw up a little in my mouth just to type the name), she only joined all sorts of ultra conservative Facebook groups just to piss me off. I never commented on such behavior, and mostly tried to ignore her presence so it's just screaming for the comment, "How....mature." Yes, she is my *older* sister. I asked why she left and she sent me a rambling email that smacked of right-wing paranoia.

I mentioned a couple days ago that my sister is becoming a caricature. A caricature of what, you might ask....an entitled, wealthy and bored suburban housewife. She's always been that, but it's just getting worse. Her appearance, for one. She's all into using Latisse on her eyelashes and so her eyelashes are cartoon long - but she's too vain to wear eyeglasses or contacts and can't see to put on makeup...it's all smudged and garish. She's thinner than ever - but eats like a horse (I predict a third septic system in current house in the near future - stomach acids wreck the flora of a septic system and consequently wreck the septic system). She's all about her designer labels. Her days revolve around online shopping. She's taking a Spanish class so she can speak better with "service" people. I kid you not.

She has one child left at home, and doesn't seem to do much for or with him - hence he's becoming quite the snot (right, eba?). Absentee parent who lives in the same house. I think my brother in law is an ass, but he's the one that gets the youngest going in the morning (though litte other guidance from what I can tell). My sister sleeps in every day. Every. Day.

After we had lunch with our mother, I noted that my mom finally had handicapped plates on her car (two knee replacements, major back surgery, etc.), and my sister said, "Yeah, but she refuses to get the rearview mirror thingy for me to use. Do you know what a pain it is to walk from the far end of a parking lot when there are all these handicapped spaces empty right in front of the store? She's so insensitive."

Just let all that settle for a sec. You can't make this shit up.

In spite of the email response about her Facebook departure, my sister currently will not return my phone calls. I think it has to do with the book. My mom is currently on a bragging spree about the fact that I wrote the book (only took 43 years for the woman to express pride in me - but that's another post), and my sister is jealous. She's always been wacko about perceptions of favoritism from our parents, and this isn't helping. If she's not getting all the attention, then the parent in question loves my brother or me more, has always treated her terribly, and woe is her life, and can't we see how awful it is to be her?

Um, yeah.

And the family wonders why we don't come visit.

Where to Begin...

It's been quite a while since I have posted anything here. It's not for lack of things to say or a desire to say it; it's more exhaustion and anxiety.

I ran a friend's campaign for school committee here in town during mid February into late March. It was pretty well all consuming. My friend won in the end - and it was a fairly significant victory I think, given the nastiness of the campaign (that's a whole long post itself). But I never want to do such a thing again. I managed to find my breaking point, and it wasn't pretty. But two decent candidates were elected, and that was good.

In the middle of that, I flew out west for a day and a half to do some video stuff for the book. It was probably good to get away and get a break from the campaign stuff, but it was still just a crazy trip. While I was out there, I saw my sister (who is becoming a total caricature), my mom (almost didn't see her - even though it's been 2 1/2 years since I've seen her, she initially said she was too busy), and a friend from high school I reconnected with on Facebook (that part was great).

I think I thought that getting busy with the campaign would distract me from the time of year, it being the time of year that C got sick, and the PTSD symptoms that often well up around this time. I was wrong. It likely made it worse. Add in a very busy husband and clueless inlaws....let's just say things feel pretty sucky. It's not the doldrums I experienced in December; it's different from that, but it's sometimes hard to explain how.

It's been seven years since C was sick. Half his lifetime. He is fine. I know he is. But still I have this fear that he will get sick like that again, that it could happen again, knowing how lucky he is to be alive. I can still see his little body hooked up to those machines and all the tubes going in and out and the alarms. I have flashes of going into his room immediately after the code when there were two of the most experienced nurses working on him and the towels on the floor because all the blood hadn't been cleaned up. A few weeks ago, someone said to me, about C's illness, "Well, just get over it." I wish I could.

Half his lifetime. We've long told him that his life will grow around his illness, that his body will grow around the scars. The scars stay the same size while he grows. That is exactly what is happening, both physically and metaphorically for him. It's a significant milestone for him, I think, this half a lifetime mark - he remembers more of his life since his illness than from before it. But it's not half my lifetime; I'm still trying to sort it out, figure out where it fits in my life experiences. It's still big for me.

C is more prone to lung issues now. A few weeks ago C was sick. A virus went straight to his lungs (as it often does) and he was on steroids and breathing treatments and missed several days of school. A couple times I almost took him to the ER. He didn't want to go (he still has issues around his illness whether he admits it or not) and DH's cooler head prevailed, but it scared me. And I don't think I acknowledged how much it scared me. I expected everything to just stop for a while as we dealt with that, but it didn't. I know, duh.

C is a typical teenager, and for that I am grateful - though I still have moments of anger and irritation with him. He is, as I said, a typical teenager, and all that entails. It all makes for some confusing emotions this time of year.

I really want to curl up under the covers for a while, but that isn't happening. Hubby is on a bad schedule at work, kids have school and sports demands, science fair is coming up for M and S, S's birthday party is Saturday...and on and on. I just keep trying to plug ahead. This time of year it seems to be all I can do.

Yesterday was Easter, and I tried to make it a nice day. There was little cooperation from the kids or others on that, though. I ended up walking three of the five miles home from the beach alone in flip-flops.