I Don't Get It

Doesn't anyone believe in honesty anymore?

Some little things are swirling today. They all come down to dishonesty. And amid that I have decided that I am either incredibly naive or hopelessly optimistic. I don't know how else to describe it, and certainly wouldn't have used those terms to describe myself before.

C is in a series of sailing races yesterday and today. Yesterday he saw some cheating by other sailors but the organization running the races decided not to accept protests. He felt very frustrated by this when he arrived home, so we had a long talk about it - what he could and couldn't do, and why. It was tough. He's an aggressive, competitive sailor, but would never dream (I don't think, and he says he wouldn't) of doing such a thing. It really bothered him - and there's really nothing he can do. No recourse. I'm hopeful he can move beyond it and have a good day today.

C also has a situation with a boy from school. At the Harry Potter event at the local bookstore, this boy (who had tried to tease him through much of baseball season) stole his new summer league baseball hat off his head, threw it into some bushes, thus losing it. And since is refusing to take any responsibility for his actions. We went back in following days and looked for the hat ourselves with no luck.

If this boy had apologized and helped look for the hat, we would have cut him a ton of slack, and found a way to replace the hat ourselves. No luck. So C has asked him to replace it in some way, and the boy will not acknowledge he has any responsibility or tell his mother. (I just learned that, when asked by C to please have the boy return or replace the hat, the mother replied, "You must be mistaken. My son would never do that." Um, sure.)

C and I are talking a lot about dumb, kinda thoughtless things kids do, and how harm probably was not meant, but that taking responsibility is important. Also, we have talked about how, if the situations were reversed, he would be in more trouble for hiding the situation and/or lying about it than for losing a friend's hat in the first place. I don't yet know how or if this situation will resolve.

The final thing is a blog I've watched for a while. The writer (which I will NOT point you to - but it is three judicious clicks away from this site) admitted in a recent post that she cheated her way through high school, and was quite cruel to a teacher and a friend, lied to her parents to go on an unchaperoned trip, spilled red wine on a friend's wedding dress, among other less than savory things. She is most remorseful about the red wine incident and being cruel to a friend. She has only minimal remorse for the cruelty to the teacher, and none at all for the cheating ("Everyone was doing it."). The tone of the post was attempting to be humorous (inappropriately so), but it was more flippant. I am just floored.

I left a stern comment and deleted her from my bookmarks. I was on the edge of doing that anyway.

The first two issues can be explained away - somewhat - because it's mostly kids, and they are still learning. Heck, I'm still teaching this stuff to the kids! The last, well, as I said, I'm floored. How does someone make light of dishonesty and cruelty?

Is most of the world like this and I am obliviously cruising down a lovely river in Egypt?

(Wait. Don't answer that. I'm pretty sure I know the answer.)

I don't even know where to begin to address the issues!

I also started thinking about my dad again. Wakeupandsmellthecoffee is having some parent issues and it reminded me of issues we had with my father and the people around him.

When we went out for Dad's memorial service, my aunt asked my sister and me to put together an obituary for him. It was an honor to write it - even though it was later thrown in my face as the reason we would not be allowed to speak at his service. My favorite thing I wrote in this obituary was, "Through it all, he held fast to his belief that people are essentially good."

That trait was both one of my favorite things about my dad and possibly the most infuriating.

But maybe I am becoming more like him - because I am so shocked and upset when I see people not doing the right thing or not taking responsibility for their actions (and even when it's a person with a history of bad behavior). Do I so deeply believe that people are good and will do the right thing?

I don't know where to go with this. Just more to ponder, I suppose.

UPDATES:

1. The second day of sailing was better. No obvious cheating this time. Overall better day.

2. The boy who lost the hat handed C $20 today to get a new hat and said sorry for the first time. Ironically, last night at baseball, C's coach said he really doesn't care if the team has the "correct" hat or not, just that they show up. Since we don't really need a new hat for the sake of a new hat and it would be wrong to spend it on anything else, C is considering what to do. It's come down to returning the money and saying thank you for the apology and that the apology and some help looking for the lost hat are what I really wanted in the first place or giving the money to charity and telling the boy and his family that we have done that. What do you think C should do?