Cluelessness

My sister called yesterday. She asked if we'd ever been to Whistler, British Columbia. We have been a couple times - though not in almost a decade - thanks to frequent flier miles and mooching of a friend's accommodations. And fewer children and fewer demands. It was wonderful. I'd love to go back some day.

My sister wanted to know if I thought it would be worth it for her to try to get her family there for Christmas. Was the skiing really good? Is the village nice? I said it would be nice, told her a few things about it and hung up. (I also winced as I know it's going to be extremely expensive as it's the run up to the winter Olympics there in February.)

And waited for the follow up phone call from my nephew.

Sure enough, my 16 year old nephew called a couple hours later. He called to try to urge our family to meet them in Whistler for Christmas.

A sweet idea, yes, but it shows the absolute cluelessness of my sister and her family. This scenario happens frequently. She calls talking about some vacation she's thinking of taking, then my nephew (it's been successive nephews over the years) calls to try to get our family to come, too. I can always hear my sister in the background urging the nephew on. It's always late notice. And it's always really, really expensive.

My sister seems to live in an alternate universe. She spends 2-3 months a year "on vacation." Whether it's California (at least 4 weeks a year are spent in Del Mar), abroad (Peru, Austria), skiing (Telluride, Park City), visiting in-laws (Texas), San Francisco or Vegas for long weekends, or somewhere else in the US (2-3 weeks a year someplace "new" - last summer it was a cruise), she and her family are often getting ready to go *somewhere*. Great for them. In her world, this is "normal."

It's nice that she wants to include our family, but she goes about it in a completely unfair way, and without any understanding of the way most people live. She has my nephew call me or - worse - call C. Then, when I have to say no, I get made out to be the bad guy by my own child.

I can't count the number of times I've had to sit down C and explain work schedules and commitments and family budgets - and different tax brackets. Something that, apparently, does not affect my sister and nephew. Each time, C says he understands, but I can see he still thinks I am just "no fun."

At the same time, after I say no, my nephew and sister take it as a personal insult and get all huffy and terse. While it's true that I don't want to spend my hard earned vacation time with them (I love them, but given how I have described my sister before, I think you understand), it's also true that we plain can't afford their kinds of vacations.

I've asked my sister before to please stop doing this: using her son in this way and not respecting that we live a very different life. She doesn't, of course, thus contributing to the already fucked up family dynamic.

Merry, merry, and all that.