Listless

That would be me.

I'm all out of energy. It seems it left around the the daylight/standard time switch in early November. I usually have a downturn at this time of year, but it's a bit worse this year. The near constant clouds haven't helped (one sunny day out of the last eight or so). It feels like a real slog to December 21 when I'll know there really will be more light each day.

As people have talked about gratitude in the last week or so, I've winced. I'm an extremely fortunate person - I know I am! - and feel a lot of gratitude in my head - I have MUCH for which to be thankful - but my gut feels somewhat cynical or just plain blah. I then feel guilty for that lack of sentiment.

I feel like I've had to battle with myself to get the basics done. Laundry goes unfolded, if it gets done at all. Dust bunnies go rolling by.

I am eating well, though, and exercising. I'm doing the annual holiday challenge on the rowing machine (which requires some serious meters six days a week). I've kept up my regular walks with the dog and the kids are getting to all their things. I'm making time to try to knit some things (small things - no big projects) and plan our usual holiday stuff, including baking. I've been putting on the holiday music and that's been nice. I've found a sitter for a couple nights and have gone out with the hubby. I've had some good snuggle time with S. M, too. And the kitties.

I haven't felt like taking pictures at all. My effort to take a picture everyday has really failed in November. I'd missed a couple days before now, but the last few weeks it's just felt, "Eh." I'm just not seeing things the same way.

I'd like to find the time to do some problem solving with my printmaking. The prints I've done have gunked up in the shadows too quickly. I'm sure there's a solutions, but I don't feel like I have the brain power to find it or hear it right now - or the time to experiment. I'd hoped to have some prints done by the holidays for a couple of gifts, but right now that doesn't look like it will happen.

There were more book edits and some book politics to deal with. Finally, though, an editor with some real communication skills - I've only had to sell half my soul in the editing process. Then last night one more bit of book politics (too many cooks in that kitchen at this point), and I don't know how it will play out. I've felt slightly bullied at some points. Will it never end? If this is writing a book, I don't ever want to do it again.

Have I mentioned the psychos in town over the school time change are still psycho? They are. I continue to be stunned at how many people want to blame their parenting choices (or lack thereof) on the schools, how much they are blaming on the time change that has nothing to do with it at all. Excuse me, but you do not negotiate with a 9 year old about their bed time, then yell at the superintendent about how "hard" it is to do that. You, as a parent, declare it and follow through.

My friend has asked me, again, to run for school committee. No way.

I know much of this will pass after the solstice. It always does.

Anyway, that's where I'm at. I'll be curled up under the covers until the 21st.