Sunday, February 01, 2009

No Win

C has been sick this last week. I dismissed it at first. I thought it was muscle strain in his chest after skiing last weekend. Then it turned out to be more. Call from the nurse, fever, chest xray. Officially bronchitis, can't rule out pneumonia, then the lymphnodes in his neck became very swollen and painful. He ended up on two antibiotics and steroids - and he's doing much better now.

I feel like shit, however. I spent Friday on the edge of a panic attack.

How could I have dismissed it? What kind of a crappy mother am I? Especially after what he went through?

I am trying to rationalize that this is just another phase in processing what did happen to him. Not every illness is going to be life-threatening. I have to learn to deal with each issue on its own, evaluate it on its own. Not every virus should be colored by his big illness.

But I still feel like shit.


Pantheist Mom said...

OH horrors. I can't imagine. :-(

How was he when he was feeling so sick? Does he have memories of that nightmare that are dredged up whenever he gets sick? Poor little guy. I'm glad he'd feeling better now.

As for you? Lots of hugs. Be gentle with yourself.

Anonymous said...

I think the fact that you initially dismissed it is a GOOD sign. (Coming from a fairly laid back mom regarding kids sicknesses). If you totally jumped the gun every time he got sick, that wouldn't be good for either one of you. I second the motion to be gentle with yourself!