Easter

Sometimes it’s hard to wind down after especially busy days. In my case, especially busy several days in a row.

Thinking back to Friday morning feels like a week or more ago. After C’s appointment, we spent part of the afternoon with friends, then C and M had (much-needed) haircuts. S was quite melty during the early evening while I was trying to get dinner on the table AND make another batch of bunny breads. She was too tired to wind down easily for bedtime and was awake quite late. Once she finally was asleep, my husband and I spent the little time remaining of the evening folding laundry. Oh, so romantic.

Saturday was filled with errands, cleaning the house, making more bunny breads (the kids devour them), squeezing in some exercise, making dessert for Easter dinner, dyeing eggs, dinner again, more cleaning up.

C was scheduled to sing at the early service at church so we were all up earlier than usual. I pulled a typical Mommy thing and realized I had no clue what I was going to wear to church. I'd made sure the kids and my husband had appropriately spring-like items to wear, but hadn't thought a stitch about myself. Our church doesn't go all out in dressing up for Easter, but we do put a little more effort into things. I dug through the back of my closet and found a dress I don't think I have worn since 1995. Seriously. I wore it to my husband's medical school graduation (just found some of those photos while unpacking the loft last week) - and became pregnant with C just about a month later. Twelve years and three babies later, I was kind of shocked I still had it, much less that it actually fit. Yeah, I can be a bit of a pack rat.

Attending the early Easter service meant we were done early, too. We were able to chill out a while at home before I started in on Easter dinner. C planned an egg hunt for his siblings and cousins, S took a nap, M read a book. Family arrived.

And suddenly the afternoon and early evening were gone.

My husband’s brother’s family left a few hours ago. I’d made ham, asparagus with vinaigrette, potatoes and sweet potatoes au gratin, and a pink grapefruit tart. They brought a spinach salad. It was a very full afternoon, both in terms of our bellies, and general activity.

It was good to be busy today. April 8 is C's "bad day." The busy-ness distracted me from thinking about it, and I think it distracted C, too. I think that reaching this day brings me over the hump in anxiety over the anniversary of his illness.

But now that it's quiet in the house, I am thinking about it. I am physically tired but my mind won't stop.

Four years ago, Easter was about a week and a half into his hospitalization. C had made it through the worst and was going to recover. Some friends brought us Easter dinner and we ate it just outside the PICU doors in the family waiting room. My brother-in-law even snuck in some wine. The rector of our church, who had visited us often, had suggested to me that we must feel like we were living our own family resurrection. We did, but we'd dared not say it.