Everyone is a Critic
C has been a real crab lately - angry and nasty and just really unpleasant. It's been stressful and hurtful and exhausting. I don't quite know what to do, but I'm doing my best to feel my way through it. It's hard.
My nephew has informed me that I'm much too hard on him, hold the kids to much too high a standard in general, am too strict, and my kids are going to hate me, and so on.
Lovely.
8 comments:
re your nephew's comments. yes, you do hold your kids to a high standard, but I think you're a great mom. You're loving and thoughtful, you see your kids as their own people, you give them a lot of structure, and they seem to be living an incredible life with lots of fun in it.
When you get criticism like what you hear from your nephew, you have to consider the source, the fact that he's coming out of a -er- conflicted childhood, and the lack of structure and stability he's had in his own life.
Let's hope that when he's a little older he comes to appreciate your parenting style, as I'm sure your children will too.
Hang in there.
and p.s.... Your nephew has his own issues with the one mother figure he knows well. Don't forget that as he works through these issues and becomes a more separate being, there will be a little leakage. I don't think it's personal even though it feels that way.
As for your pre-teen, thank goodness your children are all so different from each other --grin--.
Yes, I do consider the source. He's a whopping 21 years old, has led a rather privileged life, and his mother is the woman from whom I learned much about how NOT to parent. The same kid who says he'd rather hang out with us than his own parents/family.
Thanks for your vote of confidence, though. Some days I really question everything.
I think C's issues are 1) hormones, 2) disappointment at not making a traveling baseball team that two of his buddies are on, 3) hormones, 4) feeling like he's too old for a sitter (I agree) but still needing to depend on the summer sitter for rides, and 5) hormones.
and...on as I drove him into his internship this morning, he told me how his parents expected very little of him, didn't think he could do the things he has done, and have been genuinely shocked at his success. I don't want to think so little of my kids!
Your nephew is your sister's son, yes? Forgive him his criticism for he knows not what he speaks. You should not feel guilty for having high standards for your children, but let them know you love them no matter what. I'm sure you do that anyway.
Yep. Hormones.
We've got 'em in this house too.
Update - C has been better the last couple of days. The talk over which my nephew criticized me so harshly seems to have helped, at least for now.
I'm under no delusions that the talk won't be repeated, but we're okay at the moment.
I second the vote of hormones.
Also, as long as you're not crushing your children under unreasonable expectations (and anyone can see you're not) setting high standards can be a very good thing. They'll rise to meet them!
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