Not Good

Yesterday morning, in a half-full church service, I noticed that one of the parish stalwarts was not there. Then I realized I hadn't seen her in almost a month. She's not a big vacation taker, so I wondered if she was ill and I just hadn't heard. So I asked someone after church.

Me: "Is J okay? I haven't seen her in a good long while."

Other: "She's fine. She left."

Me: "Left? Left what?"

Other: "She left the church."

This is enormous.

J grew up in the church. Her great-grandmother helped found the church. She was baptized there, was married there, had her children baptized there. She's been a faithful attendee and financial supporter for decades. She's been on every committee and in every vestry role. And she did it all with a level of innate warmth and love that I can only aspire to. For her to leave? Well, there are two words cycling and recycling through my brain: holy shit.

I spoke with J this morning. She's sad but believes she made the right decision based on many factors. She did not go into details. She hopes one day to return. She was her ever-loving, hopeful self. She talked and I listened, then I talked and she listened. She did not trash anyone, but explained rationally her thought process. For now, she feels a bit of burden has been lifted from her.

I've written about this issue recently here and here. While it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one struggling, I'm also finding it very sad and I don't know how to start forward-moving dialogue or with whom to address any of it. Would it make any difference?

What to do, what to do....