Which Team Are You On?

The nursing staff at the hospital when C was sick was fabulous. Truly.

During the initial crisis, our C was assigned the best and the most experienced of the nursing staff. There were several days early on when two nurses were assigned to C and they were busy constantly: adjusting meds, taking readings, drawing blood, tracking progress. Immediately after the code, when we first went back into C’s room, they reassured us, even while doing all this work, that we were always welcome there, that he is our son and we should be there, and that they would do all they could to help us, too, while taking care of him.

Over the course of the first week, we came to know these nurses well. As C stabilized, only one nurse was assigned, but the others who had been with us in previous days would stop in and check on us, bring us coffee, talk to C (though he was still heavily sedated). Really great people.

After the first week and a half, when C was even more stable, we started to meet new nurses. Again, they were very competent and kind nurses. But they were…different. I was asked to step out of the room more frequently (which I often refused to do as it was clear it was for the nurses comfort, not the C’s), told more and more things I couldn’t do (like lean on the bed and hold my boy, which I had been doing regularly – and even though I was making sure, of course, that I wasn’t leaning on or crimping any tubes or wires or anything), and they often didn’t bother to learn my son’s name, much less mine.

I started to differentiate the nursing staff between the “How Can We” team and the “You Can’t” team.

The “How Can We” team made suggestions for ways we could help our son that came from years and/or intensity of experience. They wanted to know about him, who he was. They wanted a personality to go with the body they were treating. They knew how to work the system – to tweak just enough to make the experience slightly more bearable for us, the terrified parents.

The “You Can’t” team was just less experienced, I think. Not lesser nurses, not at all. Just at a different phase in their careers. And not necessarily younger nurses either. Perhaps they were new to the hospital or whatever. The experience with them wasn’t totally negative, but it wasn’t totally positive either. It just was.

The differences between the two teams often were subtle, but they were differences nonetheless.

The members of the “You Can’t” team may well have switched sides by now. I hope so. I hope they each have reached a point of stability and confidence in their careers where they can. The “How Can We” team will welcome you warmly when you are ready, I am sure.

I’m forever grateful to the nursing staff that took care of my C, and especially grateful to the “How Can We” team. J, D, H, L, K – you guys are the best.

Thank you. (Again!)