No Forwarding Address
My husband and I used to joke about moving and not telling any of my family members. No notice, no forwarding address, nothing. We wondered how much time it would buy us before we were found - time away from the dramas and crises and guilt and other crap. We also ruled out an entire side of the country for jobs and living in general because it would be too close; they physically could get to us too easily.
I'm having those ideas pass through my mind again. I do love them, don't get me wrong on that. I just don't always like them very much and feel that the 3000 miles of distance is a good thing. It's lots of little things that are happening out there. Dramas. Crises. Guilt. Crap.
C desperately wants to go out for a visit this summer. I'm more than a little mixed. I did go so far as to investigate air travel. Several days ago, I found a spectacular fare. I could get the whole family out on non-stop flights at reasonable times of the day at a reasonable cost. At other times I might have jumped on such tickets, but not this time. I could not compel myself to click Confirm on the order page. Just couldn't.
I want the kids to have good relationships with their relatives; I try not to cloud their perceptions of time out west among family with my prejudices and other crap. But this summer it feels extra hard to keep those lines clear.
I'll probably click Confirm one day soon, and at a much higher price. I'll suck it up, I'll go. I'll do my best to keep on a game face while we are there. I'll even try to enjoy the time, especially with my oldest nephew (he's 20 and loads of fun - going to be in Chicago this summer on a cool internship).
But I also won't be surprised if the daydream of no forwarding address pops into my head on a regular basis.
2 comments:
Oh, ooooh, I feel your pain, and completely understand the part about loving them even though .... fill in the blanks. I always say, keep expectations low, take into account everyones limitations, including your own, and if all else fails.....save yourself, run for high ground. In other words, leave no forwarding address. Good luck if you decide to click confirm.
I'm sorry your family is so difficult.
It must be kind of nice to have your autonomous family unit far away from them-- but I know how difficult it is to have to maintain a happy relationship (or at least seem to) for the sake of the kids. I wish you luck.
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