Grump

For someone who claims to love Thanksgiving, I woke up quite crabby this morning.

After grumping my way through breakfast hour, finishing a tart, and making cornbread, I identified several sources for my foul mood. Among other things, my husband's job has been demanding the last couple of weeks. I've prepared for this holiday pretty much by myself, while trying to keep the kids appropriately occupied (not always successfully). My husband gets home late, wiped out physically and emotionally from his day, and isn't much help. This also means he isn't particularly emotionally engaged on the homefront. The kids need and want his attention, too, and we're all pretty much melting down at this point. Thankfully (See?! I'm thankful for something this day!), his bad work schedule ends tonight at midnight - but he'll be playing catchup on his regular stuff for a week or so, and so will we as a couple and a family be finding our way back to baseline.

Sometimes I resent my husband's job, and the demands it makes on all of us. This is one of those times. I'm not saying we need to make a major change, or that it's horrible or anything like that. I'm just saying that in the balance of things - in the choices we've made for our life - things feel a little out of balance right now. It will resolve soon enough.

The other thing that was making me grumpy is family. Due to some interesting family dynamics, we are pretty much left alone on Thanksgiving. I'd say ignored, but I don't think it's about ignoring, I think it's about intentionally not saying anything. It's assumed we'll go off and do our own thing, and that it won't involve family. Not a single family member has asked after our plans for Thanksgiving. It's just not discussed - even when I ask after other family members. Weird, huh? I'm fine having dinner with friends, as we are today, but it would be nice to be asked about our plans. And the years we have ended up having dinner with family (that I can count on one hand with fingers left over in the last couple decades), it's always been oddly last minute.

Late this morning, as I put the finished tart in the dining room, next to the pear pie, I looked around at the set table, the sunlight streaming in, the desserts...and I was fine again.

Grump over.

I went and exercised (a holiday distance challenge starts today), the potatoes are cut up and ready to be cooked, the turkey is about to go in the oven, the kids are mostly quiet (S is eating CinnaBunnies for lunch), and our friends will be here in a couple hours. Hopefully my husband will be home in a couple hours (he's the gravy master) and we'll sit down around 4:30.

I have much to be thankful for in my life.