Telling Her Exactly How I Feel

Remember a few weeks ago my sister told me all about her affair, and justified it by saying God wanted her to be happy? And remember just a few days ago when I mentioned this book I am making about my father for all his grandkids and the ridiculous pictures she sent?

Anyway, after my sister’s email announcing her activities, I didn’t tell her how I felt about all of it because I knew that if I did, I’d never get the pictures I needed from her for the Dad book. The pictures were pretty worthless anyway, but I was trying. I figured it would be worthless to confront her anyway, she wouldn’t really listen in that type of situation.

I pretty much finished the Dad book. I’m ordering one copy as a proof. But before I sent it off a few minutes ago, I called my sister to try to check one fact.

While on the phone with her, I asked if she thought, as I did, that our mother might get pretty upset about the book. That we made one of Dad but not of her. My sister agreed that Mom probably would be upset. We then agreed that we can stop any potential whining if Mom does complain by stating the obvious: Dad is dead, and she (Mom) is alive and still has the ability and opportunity to be in her grandchildren’s lives. Whether or not she will take the opportunity is up to her.

It was then that I saw an opportunity to let her know how I felt about her extramarital activities without a direct confrontation.

“You know it could have been different,” I said.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“The affair changed everything,” I said. “As soon as we found out about that, our loyalties and affections shifted one hundred percent to Dad, regardless of what the relationships were before.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she said.

“And it’s not like she ever admitted she made a mistake,” I continued. “If she had ever said, ‘I was wrong and I should have handled everything differently,’ I think things would have been different over the years. But she never did and I doubt she ever will. I wonder if she even understands the depth of relationship she has lost with all of us.”

“I don’t know,” she said, “But you’re right that the affair changed everything.”

Then her call waiting clicked, and it was her youngest son. She had to go.

I don’t know that this conversation will change anything – probably it won’t. But she knows where I stand, and that’s all that I needed for right now.