Almost Six Years Later and I am Still Thinking of Things

The approaching spring is not just spring. It's two of my kids' birthdays and the anniversaries of C's illness and my dad's passing (six years ago, both).

I've mentioned before, I think, about my dad's second wife and the fiasco of dad's illness and her games - but I've only scratched the surface. It's still a very raw spot for me and for my siblings. She screwed him and us, in so many ways - emotionally, financially, in terms of family heirlooms, where dad is buried, and so on. The only comfort I take from the situation is that she'll get hers one day, though I can't be the one to give it.

It's interesting, though, how things are still popping into my head about all of it.

Yesterday at the grocery store, I went through my usual line. The clerk is a really nice older man and we have a good rapport. Today, B was wearing a bolo tie. I noted that one does not often see bolo ties in New England. And in that instant I was reminded of my father's old bolo ties that I haven't seen in a decade perhaps - ones that he intended for my brother and any male grandchildren.

Generally speaking, I am not fan of bolo ties. But my dad did have some very nice ones and always reminded us that they are the official neckwear of the state of Arizona. One in particular was the shape of the state of Arizona in big hunk of turquoise, with thin ribbons of silver outlining the counties (back when there were only 14 counties). I believe it was a gift to him from a political ally, and from what I remember it was always intended to go to my brother. There were others, too. Silver and turquoise were recurring themes, of course, as were Hopi and Navajo symbols.

They all appear to be gone now, taken by the 2nd wife, and who knows what she did with them.

In the end, do a bunch of bolo ties really matter? Probably not. Given the whole of the situation it's just another hurt. But it does hurt.