Depth Being Evaluated

I am in a rut.

I've been fighting it and denying it for some time, but it's there. Motivation is low, my fuse is short, and my general outlook pessimistic. My tolerance for idiots, normally low, is somewhere in China right now.

It doesn't help that it's gray and dreary out. We're not even getting the snow that most of the rest of my area is getting. If it were white, at least I could call it pretty outside.

It was a beautiful weekend, but that didn't break the rut.

I had my haircut yesterday. I told my loved stylist that I was in a rut. He asked if I wanted to do something different. I said sure. I asked, "What can I do that's different?" He walked around me for a few moments, running his fingers through my hair, thinking. Finally, he said, "Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Not much." He's a good man - not giving me change for the sake of change that will only make me more unhappy down the road. But still, it was a kick in the psyche.

The calendar is fairly full. There are things that are happening. But everything feels kind of "Eh." I've been mostly sticking to my exercise routine, getting out of the house when I can (went for a walk on the beach yesterday), but it's there.

I talked to a couple of girlfriends in the last couple of days, too. They are feeling very rut-like themselves. We're all looking for ways to pull ourselves out of it, even when we'd much rather just pull the covers over our heads. Is it a middle-aged woman time of year thing?

So if posts are particularly crabby for a bit, please forgive me. I hope to be back to my regular slightly snarky, only mildly pessimistic, generally together self soon.