Something I Thought I'd Never Do

I was in Girl Scouts growing up. I hated every minute of it. The girls in my troop were snotty and nasty. Though I was very good at selling cookies, I wanted out as soon as I started. My mother said no, and emphatically.

I realized shortly thereafter that it was a battle I would not win. Scouting was expected of me. Period. I would, somehow, some way, get my First Class ranking (a designation since retired from the program). My mother had been in scouts, my sister, other female relatives (and all my male relatives were expected to be Boy Scouts, and achieve Eagle). Notice I said "expected" not "encouraged." There was no way out.

So after years of those blasted troop meetings and camps and everything, I did the bare minimum to get my First Class...and immediately bolted for the door. I never looked back. I think it's kind of interesting that I dislike Girl Scouts so much since I ended up attending an all-female college and loving it.

While not as severe as my experience, my husband did not have a particularly good Boy Scout experience - although his brother did. My husband's parents, however, let him quit.

At some point through the years, my husband and I talked about scouting. Neither of us felt like it was something we wanted to promote to children of either gender. From a general comfort standpoint as well as political and moral standpoint, we weren't comfortable.

I'm not saying either organization is a bad one - they aren't. We just didn't feel comfortable buying into an organization that promotes discrimination (on the male side), or one that (in my experience) promotes narrowly defined gender roles (girls side).

When C brought home a notice about Boy Scouts six years ago and initially expressed interest, I didn't know what to do. I hemmed and hawed. I said we'd talk about it. Eventually he learned that most of his pals were not doing it, so his interest waned. Fine with us.

My husband and I talked about it again. We agreed that if it did come up again, we'd gauge our son's interest and if he really, really wanted to do it, we'd give it a try. But we wouldn't necessarily bring it up. The subject dropped completely.

M brought home the same notice a couple years ago and we ignored it. He ignored it. I thought we had dodged the Boy Scout bullet and only needed to avoid the Girl Scout stuff from now on with S.

But last spring, M decided he wanted to join Boy Scouts. At first, we thought it was a phase about wanting to spend more time with his best friend who was in a troop and it would pass. Nope. He declared again and again that he wanted to join. Finally we agreed to give it a try - in part because his best friend's mother is the den leader. She promised to take him under her wing, understanding our parental ambivalence.

Now we are in - and it's already kicking my butt. I was just putting in all the meetings into our family Google calendar and, oh my goodness, it's a lot. Not to mention I cringe whenever I have to take M into the local Catholic church for meetings (local Catholic leadership are an interesting lot).

M is so excited, though, and I am trying hard to respect that. We have not given him details about why we are ambivalent - or even that we are ambivalent. We've said since we are really busy as a family anyway, we just want to make sure he understand the commitment, and he assures us he does.

I know scouting is all about your group and the individual experience. I know people love it, and other people hate it. My brother and his son are involved with scouts, too, so M already has their (positive) interest in his experience. My sister, though she hated Girl Scouts as much as I did, loves Boy Scouts and was a leader for years. It could all be very different going forward and I need to keep an open mind.

But I still can't believe we're doing this.